I Am Actually Really Good At Quitting
I relapsed yesterday. Bad. Like a pack of cigarettes bad. It was easy and it felt good. But now I am back at the start. All that work undone. Day 1, March 28th, 2019.
As I have been reflecting I recognize that I am actually really good at quitting.
I quit Starbucks after only 1 hour of filling out paperwork. I’ve quit countless other jobs. I quit Bob Evans after the first day of training. They required their servers to write the orders in special hieroglyphs and I wasn’t committed to learning another language for that job.
I quit going to the gym for a whole year after receiving a compliment on how defined my back was from my masseuse. I literally thought to myself, “I’m done.”
I quit council after 10 months of enormous stress and bullying. Sure the voters were confident I could do it, clearly evident by the numbers, but in practice it just wasn’t “my thing”. Having passion and drive doesn’t always guarantee success.
I quit practicing my German during college and am no longer fluent. I held on for as long as I could by watching German soap operas but I just couldn’t watch one more episode of Verbotene Liebe and feel good about myself.
I quit production on a video series called The Grounds only after making one episode. I had convinced dozens of people to help me with this. People learned lines. Carved out time. Articles were written. We even shot one 15 second clip at least 30 times to get it right.
I’ve quit several groups over the years like the GO Team that I started for young people to get involved in changing our community. Next time I suggest creating a new group of sorts, stop me.
I quit washing my jeans. When they start getting funky I try vinegar, or the freezer and if that doesn’t work it’s time for a new pair.
I’ve quit dreaming about making art full time. I was made to make things. I love making things. I just have a hard time making money making things.
I quit moisturizing my face for an untold amount of time.
I quit eating quinoa. Its disgusting and I think I’m allergic.
Oh, so many things that I have quit. Some good, some bad. I have never considered any of these a failure in any sense. I could consider it failure if I choose to look at it linear. Anyone who knows me knows I don’t look at anything linear.
I can’t wait to add smoking to the list.
Do I let one mistake, one mishap stop me from achieving my goal? Most of the things on my list above, although in the end didn’t pan out, endured hiccups until I knew for sure it wasn’t for me, or at least not the right time.
Is the goal just to quit smoking? Again, too linear. What about everything there is to learn along the way and in the process of quitting?